it's true, though

I checked one last silo before my shift ended this morning. The blender was standing in the lab, just waiting for the results. I told him it was good and gave him the number. There was just the slightest little pause before his face lit up and he said, "you're the shit, Rach!"

so not kosher

A soy tanker came in last night around 2am. #1 brought in the paperwork. The new guy, GR, was in main lab but it was his first night on his own and he had never received soy before, so I offered my help.

In order to accept a soy tanker, we need to have it's number on a list that says it's kosher. This particular tanker was on one such list, but it said on the list that those tankers were only acceptable if they also had a kosher wash ticket.

I asked #1 for a wash ticket. He said they didn't have one. He said that our sheets were out-dated and that they didn't need one anymore. He was so sure. I almost believed him. He tried to pull up an e-mail saying so, he offered to write a note and sign off on the sheet, he told me to call DK and ask him and even found his cell number and offered me his phone to text (because my battery was dead and I was too scared to call DK, who has been unbelievably crabby for a week.)

I asked the other techs, but no one was sure. None of our supervisors or any of the blending supervisors were working until morning.

Poor GR, whom I was trying to train, didn't get the best learning opportunity. #1 was very persuasive, but I held my ground - I wasn't going to allow this tanker to be received unless I had PROOF.

I think #1 was kind of insulted. I felt bad about not believing him...until a lab supervisor, KS, came in at 6 and I asked him about it and he printed out the e-mail saying absolutely YES we need a wash ticket.

I showed the e-mail to #1, who persisted and said that KS could talk to the blending supervisor, SW, because he was definitely right and we don't need the certificate anymore.

I left it at that, not really caring as long as it was out of my hands and not my responsibility anymore, but I had to laugh when I ran back into the lab at 0645 because I had forgotten my phone and there was SW explaining how we can't accept the tanker unless we get a kosher wash ticket from the company.

#1's truck was still idling in the parking lot when I left.

holidays

The worst thing about holidays when you work third shift is that if you actually have to work on a holiday - you're only getting paid double time and a half for two hours of it. Ten to midnight.

The best thing about holidays when you work third shift is that if you work the night before the holiday - you're getting paid double time and a half for six hours of not working a holiday. Midnight to six.

The best thing ever is if you work the night before a holiday and then have the holiday off.

Happy Thanksgiving, internet.

smarty pants

Last night, #1 proved that not only is he the ONLY one capable of blending pudding, because he is a GENIUS at everything and everyone else is stupid, but also that he can do science, too.

But no matter how many science experiments we do...sugar-free pudding still tastes like poison.

the uniform

At my job, like many factories, we wear a uniform. Our uniform is thus: navy blue pants and a light blue snap-front shirt with an embroidered name tag on one side. There is also a navy blue jacket, again with the name tag.

You may recognize this uniform as being the standard for many auto mechanics and gas station attendants nationwide.

As horrible as this uniform looks and feels when I, for instance, run into Starbucks to grab a froofy girl-drink before work, it is...uniform. Everyone at work looks the same and you become very adjusted to the way everyone looks in their horrible, shapeless, unattractive outfits.

When someone comes in wearing their street clothes (their 'civies' I like to say), it is WEIRD. Even if it's someone you've seen outside of work before, they just seem so out of place it's incredible.

#1 was supposed to be off tonight, but he came in for a few hours (I don't know why, because when I asked he said, "just to see you.") and he was not in uniform.

I could not stop staring, but I am relatively certain I would have had the same reaction to a less attractive co-worker in normal-people clothes.

gelatin

Every time I have to run gelatin, the blender will have me check it and then I will tell him how much water to add and he will refuse to add that much and add however much he feels like and then I re-check it and it calls for exactly the difference.

Why do they even bother asking?

snarky

Two significant events last night:

Deciding to go to lunch, despite three lines that were supposed to start up (none of them did), I left a note at each filler to tell the stacker how many cases I needed. For example, "Please save 3 cases for the lab!!" I turned the two exclamation points into a smiley face on each note.
Returning from lunch, it was reported to me that #4 was upset that I had "stolen his smiley face." Obviously, no one has ever drawn a smile under two exclamation points before. I would love to see the copyright he has on that.

Secondly, I taught my boss a new word. The schedule wasn't out and it was getting toward quitting time. I said to DK, "If I ask you a question will you just give me the answer instead of some snarky comeback?...What's the status of next week's schedule?"
Rather than just answering me, he spent probably two full minutes wondering if 'snarky' is really a word.

blender preferences

I noticed something kind of funny tonight. One of the blenders in the raw dairy (I cannot refer to him by his initials because I have absolutely NO idea what his last name is) frequently calls into the main plant to talk to one of the blenders in charge.
He used to page either Beavis or #1, since they are the shift leads and that...makes sense.

The past couple of days, I noticed that when #1 is working, he pages #1 or sometimes #1 or VM, BUT when Beavis is working, he pages VM every time.

Beavis said something about this to VM while I was in the room. He was just joking until I blurted out, "I noticed that!"

just doing my job

Nearly everything that could possibly go wrong tonight went wrong tonight. It was not busy or even that stressful, it was just...bad.
There was burn-on in the milk, which has been a problem for a few nights in a row now. I was told we are the only plant that even checks for sediment. One of the supervisors, we'll call him Mr. G, complained that we put milk on hold for sediment because it's not like anybody filters their milk to check for sediment at home. I've used the same argument for things like high fat or low volume...no one checks this at home. The difference is, if I found somehow that my liter of soymilk contained four milliliters less than the volume on the label, I would a) not care, b) pay the same price for it, and c) have no qualms about drinking the product. If, however, I were to find out about burn-on in a carton of milk...well, I sure as hell wouldn't be drinking that milk.

Anyway, they separated off to do a wash, which got rid of the sediment, but when they separated back on, the cryo dropped out. Mr. G had to go and pull samples for me to check from before it went bad to find out the last good time. Every one I checked was fine. Finally, he brought in a carton from the exact same time I'd gotten a bad result. It came out good, too. Mr. G was not exactly happy that he'd had to search for cartons for me and they were all okay.

Finally, after several minutes of whining and sarcasm, he conceded that I was just doing my job.


...how dare I.

trendy

Just over a week ago, #1 (I guess we're friends again now. It's kind of weird) spent like ten minutes trying to convince me that on my day off I should come to the strip club with him. He was supposed to go with GP, but GP couldn't find a babysitter or something and he still really wanted to go.

Tonight, #3 text messaged me to ask if I was doing anything on Friday, because it is his birthday. I gave him a non-commital, it's my night off but I might have plans, let me know what you're up to and maybe I'll come out. He told me he is going out with a big group of people and I should defnitely come.

Where are they going?
...a strip club.

I've never been invited to a strip club before in my life (except once, but it was in Canada and the strippers were male and I ended up not going anyway), did someone suddenly declare November to be ask-RC-to-go-see-ladies-take-their-clothes-off-month?

successful sunday

According the employee handbook, an employee working an eight hour shift gets an unpaid half hour lunch and two ten minute breaks. I might need both hands, but I could definitely count on my fingers the number of times I have actually taken three breaks in a single shift.
We did it tonight for the second Sunday running, and that feels like an accomplishment.

Granted, we didn't finish our weekly tasks (which usually get done Sundays) but...well, we have all week.

my hero

I've been having no end of trouble the past few nights with translating from Beavis to English, but I was fascinated last night when he started ranting for a while after I mentioned some high solids on the second batch of Enlive.
He was telling me how he could fix it even though all the blend systems were tied up. He was going on and on about how this happened one time and he and DK went and calculated the amount of water they needed and how many gallons per minute the hose would spray and how many pounds per gallon and then they put the water in from the hose in the balance tank as it was processing and honestly, internet, I only understood half of what he was saying but it was amazing.

I realize the story sounds a little mundane, but it was something in the telling that made it sound like they were folk heroes and somehow, if I picture Beavis and DK hosing water into a tank, that's exactly how I see it.

the schedule

We usually get our schedule for the following week on Thursday nights, but sometimes not until Friday. If the schedule isn't out yet when third shift leaves Friday morning, someone will generally offer or be asked to text message the schedule to anyone who is off Friday and Saturday nights.

(An aside: If the schedule is not out and I happen to be obnoxious enough to ask about it, without fail DK tells me that I am scheduled to work all seven days next week, twelve hour shifts every day, all in tetra.)

Since I am working this weekend (of course) and the schedule was not out yet Friday morning, both MH and RD asked me to send the schedule to them. When I got in to work last night, I looked at the schedule (I have next weekend off!) and took out my phone to send messages to the other girls. Before I got a chance, I hear, "I don't need you to text me the schedule."

Getting called in on your day off is somehow worse than if you really had seven twelve hour shifts in tetra. Sorry MH.

the c-word

Ups and downs and in betweens of a twelve-hour shift:

VM says "how are we looking?" referring, I would assume to one of the eight trillion products he's had me test in the past twenty minutes. I say, "Good. I guess. Wait. What are we looking at?" He gives me creepy eyes and says, "you."

Considering I slept about four and a half hours yesterday and woke up at 8am (which is earlier than I usually go to sleep), I am feeling pretty energetic and positive all night. #1 disagrees. He stops me on my way back to the lab and asks me if I am crabby. I am not. We have a two week-old joke in the lab about "the c-word" which is, of course, cranky. The reactions from the other girls when I tell them that #1 called me the other c-word are, I tell you internet, priceless.

Not twenty minutes after #1 told me I seemed crabby, #2 asks why I am so goofy. He says I am a little crazy (another c-word!) and that I make him laugh. He says this as if I have somehow done something wrong. Sorry for being silly, #2.

I am beginning to see why #1 and #2 hate each other so much.

spiders

MH has a sore throat. Because of the recent nationwide panic attack about swine flu, of course that was our first idea for what might be wrong with her.

Now, however, we have discovered the real problem....while she was sleeping a spider crawled in to her throat and laid eggs!

Well, either that or she has strep or something.

imitation is the sincerest form of...making fun of you

MH mentioned a while back that #1, when he does not hear or understand what someone is saying, says, "huh?"

This seems pretty normal, most people have done the same at some point. However, she says that he does this VERY frequently and that he sounds like a canadian goose. In telling me this, she then imitated the noise. We talked about it a lot and imitated the "huh" noise over and over again. Every time #1 mumbles something, one of us will go, "huh" and the other will crack up. I had never even noticed before, but now every time the three of us have a conversation, at some point #1 will say, "huh?" and MH and I will just about die laughing.

The really funny thing about it now is that he doesn't even sound anything like our imitation of him. He just says, "huh?" It's not that big a deal. It doesn't actually sound like a canadian goose in reality. It sounds like a human being saying, "huh?".

But it gets funnier and funnier every time.

I am a little worried that #1 will catch on someday when I am laughing in his face and he doesn't know why.

busy week

Since my last nights off, I feel as if every time I come into work I just spend eight hours running laps around the plant.
This was my third night in main lab this week, and I complained about how busy I was Wednesday night when I had five FB's and a couple of other plating samples. Thursday night, that was trumped by seven FB's, a receiving and a few transfers. I complained about that, too.
Tonight I had EIGHT receiving samples, two AR's, three FBs, two transfers and three 24 hours. Plus re-checks and regular eight hour checks?
If it had been too busy for someone else to get my plating done, it would not have been physically possible for me to do it myself and leave even remotely on time.

Insanity.

Because it has been so busy, I have been really, really, really crazy and I may or may not have at one point tonight freaked out at #'s 1&2 about a kosher wash certificate to the point where I was kind of embarrassed and thought neither of them would ever want to speak to me again and at another point hid from DK in the blending control room (with #'s 1&2, who apparently had no qualms about speaking to me again) for at least ten minutes because I got air in the lactoscope and I didn't want to show my face until it got fixed.

KB Seafood

Does it say something about me that I would rather test a product that is really difficult to test than a product that is easy to test, but smells awful?

my parents ruined me

I was in main lab again tonight, and it was another ridiculously busy shift.
EVERY final blend check I did came out .01 away from target.
Any normal human being would be thrilled that all of the solids were coming out just about perfect. Any normal lab tech would tell the blenders and the processors that those products were spot on.
As you, oh wise internet, may already know, I am not normal.

When I was a kid and I brought my report card home from school, every 99 I got was met with the question, "what happened to that other point?"
I know they were trying to joke, but it was kind of serious. Mom, Dad, I'm sorry I only got 99s and not 100s on everything. Sometimes my grades dipped as low as 95s. I know I am a huge disappointment.

Beavis, VM, DK, I'm sorry I couldn't get my solids checks right exactly on target. I'm sorry the vanilla medpass was a 38.29 and the zensoy plain was a 9.01 (and then an 8.99 after it transferred) and the KB Beef was a 2.99 in one silo and a 3.01 in the other.

Clearly, I am a failure as a lab tech.

90 days without a lost time accident

We have a brand new digital counter (replacing a chalkboard one) to record the number of days we go without someone getting injured. On one of the bulletin boards is a list of incentives based on the number of days. If we go 60 days, we get a plant-wide pizza party. 90 days gets $25 gas cards for 45 people, drawn randomly. The list goes on from there.
We're at a 101 days as of today, and they finally posted who won those gas cards.
I got a text message from #3 yesterday afternoon saying that I was one of the lucky winners.
I never win anything!
I was super psyched.

On my way to lunch tonight, I noticed the bulletin board where they'd posted the winners. I scanned the 3rd shift section. I didn't see my name. I looked closer. My name was not on the 3rd shift list of winners.

I spent most of my lunch break flipping out about WHY he would LIE TO ME about winning a gas card. Does he think I wouldn't notice? Did he really want to trick me into talking to him? What does he think my name is? WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
Not only did I get tricked into talking to him, I didn't actually get twenty-five bucks? That is like the lamest thing ever.

I ranted about this for our entire break, really.

And then, on the way back in from lunch, one of the maintenance guys said..."Hey, RC, why'd they put your name under 2nd shift?"

serves me right

Leaving work this morning, I was so distracted being outwardly disapproving and inwardly highly amused at #4's antics that I left work, got on the highway and went probably a quarter of the way home before remembering that I needed to stop for gas. Oops.

marshmallow brains

I made cupcakes for Halloween last night and brought them in to work. They had this really light, fluffy, sticky meringue frosting. It was meringue. It was made almost entirely out of egg whites and sugar (and air).
When CD and one of the processors, JK, were talking about the cupcakes, they both said how the frosting was...different. It was sticky and sweet, but light...like marshmallows.
I was standing there, so I told them that is was meringue. And CD said it was like marshmallow fluff. And I said, no, it was meringue. And JK said it was so fluffy, like marshmallows. And I said...it was meringue. And then they said it was homemade, so it was like homemade melted marshmallows. And said, no, it was...meringue.
This went on for maybe a full minute. I don't think I got through to them.

done processing

The words "done processing" are like a magic salve that calms a savage lab tech. When a product is done processing, it means that the main lab tech doesn't have to check it anymore, which makes the main lab tech happy. When a product is done processing, it means an end is in sight for the tetra tech, which makes the tetra tech happy. When a product is done processing, it means the 4oz tech doesn't have to read the system anymore, which makes the 4oz tech happy. It is a wonderful thing.

Unless you are in tetra and the steritank is pretty dang full and you have four products allll night long and then TWO of them end right at the end of your shift.

Yeah. When that happens, it kind of sucks.

the creepiest thing I've ever heard. EVER.

To preface this story: MH refers to her husband as 'the man-child' and they have been fighting about money lately because he spends way too much on food.
We had this conversation:
Her: Hey, I dare you to sit on the bloater chair.
Me: I'll do it for twenty bucks.
Her: Twenty bucks? That's like a whole day of man-child food.
Me: Haha, when you say man-child food I picture like a jar of "man-child food"
We then commenced to discuss what a jar of man-child food would look like. It would have a picture of a grown man, but wearing a bib and bonnet and holding a rattle.
At this point in the conversation, a supervisor from another department, VM, walked out of the office next to us and here is what he said:
"I'd do that for you."
He said that and he kept walking right out the door of the lab. I don't think I have ever seen anyone so deadpan in my entire life. I laughed/wanted to cry/throw up for a full five minutes.